Reason Why Spouse Or Partners Stay In Abusive Marriage


Why Do Spouse Stay In Abusive Relationships? It more difficult to comprehend. Couples in relationships that are abusive have various motives for staying in them. One of the primary reasons spouse stay in abusive relationship may be pragmatic, even though they may not be rational. A few victims feel they are unable to quit their relationships due to the fact that they are financially dependent upon them. For instance, a mother who lives at home might feel that she can’t quit her abusive marriage due to the fact that even if she did, she’d be unable to provide to her kids. Others who are abused remain because they believe it is the best decision, based on their cultural or religious background. A few Catholic individuals, for instance consider divorce to be an unwise thing that should be avoided at every opportunity. They might be compelled to tolerate many instances of abuse from spouses since the alternative is to violate the doctrines of their religion. Other victims might justify staying in abusive relationships/marriage simply because they feel it’s the best decision in the best interest of their child.

They might think to themselves “If it was just me, I’d leave this marriage, but my children will be better off coming from an intact home than from a divorced one”. It’s not an appropriate decision in all situations and the children may significantly hurt by living close to a father who is abusive as they would, living with a single mom. Whatever the truthfulness of anyone with these explanations and the belief of their truth is far more persuasive than the question of whether they’re real.

A different set of motives that people are in abusive relationships/marriages is revealed through the study of the “cycle of abuse.” In the typical case of domestic violence (where one spouse is abusive to the other) it is common for abuse to occur in a pattern (cyclically) and not always (all the time). There isn’t an exact beginning to the abuse cycle however, for the purposes of explaining it, it is possible to begin with a random point in the course of its development. A certain event happens, whether real or just imaginable by the perpetrator, that causes feelings of anger. These feelings lead to the next stage in the process, the point at which actual abuse is observed.

This behavior could be physical, verbal sexual, or emotional in the sense that it is sexual. After the violent incident occurs the perpetrator often admits guilt or regret and would like to apologize. The perpetrator will say, “It will never happen again” and might give the victim gifts and demand that the victim accept forgiveness from the abuser. It is possible to experience “makeup sex” which can be very enjoyable and give the victim a the feeling that he or they are valued and is truly appreciated. In a child/parent abusive relationship guilt over abuse can be expressed through specific privileges or presents for children who have been abused. After the guilt and making-up stage is the “honeymoon” or latency period in which everything is fine for a short time between couples. In the event of truly violent relationships, the period will end with the onset of another incident of abuse, the victim is again angry or is treated poorly in some way , and the cycle begins all over and again.

Although such abuse can be frequent and predictable, it’s often sporadic and the relationship may be viewed as a good one as well as loving. In this scenario, victims frequently argue that they’re not actually suffering abuse, that they are loved by their partner even though they are abused, and that means it’s okay, the abuse isn’t really good though, and similar arguments. Victims are often motivated to create excuses for their abusers to see every abuse incident as an “one time” thing (even when it’s not) and to concentrate on the positive aspects of their relationship (particularly the positive aspects that are highlighted are a part of the guilt/latency stage of the cycle of abuse) and believe that their relationship is an excellent one, and that everyone experiences issues in relationships, i.e., my partner can sometimes lose their temper when they are stressed out at work, for instance. If you have low self-esteem, the rationalizations might include thoughts like “I don’t deserve any better” or “this is the best relationship I’ve had in my life.”

Victims might have a myriad of self-esteem issues which keep them numb and able to accept something which is “good enough.” They might believe that they’ll be left alone for the rest of their lives if they leave by themselves. They might believe that they’re so damaged that they’d choose a different abusive partner, so why not remain with the one they have? They might believe that they do not deserve anything more than being beaten or raped regularly on a semi-regular basis. Abusers can reinforce this lack of self-esteem by suggesting that the abuse is normal or that they’re overreacting or retaliating, etc.

If victims do decide to separate from their abusive partner may discover that the abuse escalates to risky dimensions. The abusive partner may harass those who attempt to leave, assault them violently, or in any other way attempt to limit their ability to break up with their spouse. If they do not threat to harm or kill the child or the victim they could attempt to harm themselves and in the process they can convince the victim into becoming sympathetic to them, and staying in the relationship to stop the suicide threat from occurring.

The combination of self-esteem problems, frequent real abuse or makeup sex, or any other positive attention received after assaults, and increasing threats when a victim tries to flee can convince some victims to remain. When a victim is able to forgive the abuser, that person is reaffirmed as abuser and it is more probably that the victim is likely to be abused later on. In the end, the abuse is likely to last in perpetuity until the victim finally finds an opportunity to move on, or is abused until death (e.g. or killed in the most severe, violent situations). The truth of this is often lost on both the abuser as well as the victim.

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